


Soft hands, broken heart

by Westlife264



Series: Soft heart, hard hands [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Nicky, M/M, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Needs a Hug, Past Abuse, Past Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28298469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Westlife264/pseuds/Westlife264
Summary: One shot from soft heart, hard hands AU.Joe and Nickys first Christmas together isn't what they had planed, but they wouldn't have it any other way.See how Joe looked after Nicky, when Nicky couldn't look after himself.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Soft heart, hard hands [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2072718
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	Soft hands, broken heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the same AU as soft heart, hard hands.   
> Taking a look back into the past.
> 
> Few warnings for anyone who didn't read the tags: past abuse, past starvation, Nicky is VERY depressed.
> 
> If I've missed anything please let me know and I will add it

"Merry Christmas, Nicky!" Quynh cheered happily as she walked out of her room, already dressed in a white jumper with a Robin on it. Underneath it, a purple dress to go with the black leggings and fluffy pink slippers.

It was Joe and Nicky’s first Christmas together, and this wasn't what they had planned.

After finishing university in July, Joe had moved off campus and in with Nicky, who's was sharing an apartment with a man named John.

That arrangement lasted a month before they got kicked out, no warning, no nothing. Just an order to pack their things and get out. It turned out John had filed a complaint about them sharing a bed.

Joe, with his fiery temper, was going to make a big deal of it, but Nicky had needed him more. His world had been turned upside down, and being homeless, Nicky was going through a loop. Joe had no idea how Nicky had even survived this long, but he's thankful he had.

They'd been living with Andy, Quynh and Sebastian for five months now, after crashing for two days in Joe’s car. 

The space next door, which functioned as a storeroom for the club, was being converted into a new apartment for them. If all went to plan they'd be settled there by their first anniversary.

Neither men had any idea how to thank their three savours. However, they did what they could. They made sure the house was cleaned, chipped in as much as they could for the groceries and tried to do small things to show their appreciation. 

Nicky tried his hand at dinners as he loved to cook, Joe helped him every day to cook something new, keeping a close eye on any knives in Nicky’s hand.

"Morning Quynh," Nicky said softly, unable to meet her eye, as he just stood in their open kitchen, looking over towards the living room, playing with the sleeve of his checkered shirt which Joe had picked out for him the night prior.

Their bedroom door was bang opposite the trio’s, the two men were in the spare room. With a double bed, a set of draws and a cupboard, they were content. It was a good thing they didn't have much to their name. The only big item they had had was a TV, and they sold that the day after getting kicked out.

Joe had only just started full time at the club; three weeks ago. Having used what he'd saved up to buy a new car after his old one died on him, he didn't have much money, having to pay off his university debts.

Nicky worked mostly part-time now, unable to cope with a full workload. He had tried, many times, but always ended up having a panic attack. 

All his money went to paying off his own debts. After he was attacked by Keane, he had to have four months off to recover, and bills had piled up, now he was struggling to pay.

Joe knew not to ask why his parents wouldn't help him, the one time he had, had triggered a massive panic attack. 

Joe didn't know, Nicky didn't want to worry him any more than he already was.

"You ok, Nicky?" Quynh asked, slowly walking up to him, they'd all learned fast not to make sudden movements towards him, he scared too easily. This wasn't the same Nicky Quynh fell in love with. That Nicky left along with Keane three years ago. 

Joe was doing an amazing job in trying to bring Nicky back, even before they started dating, Joe was helping Nicky through his panic attacks. 

He was so kind, gentle and patient from the very start. So patient that Booker let slip not long ago that they had not even had sex yet, because the one time they tried, Nicky started to panic. So now Joe would just hold him that little bit closer, a little bit tighter at nights, letting Nicky know that no one could get to him to hurt him.

"Waiting for Joe." Nicky said simply. Joe would look after him, Nicky knew he wanted something, but not what. All he knew was what Joe would, he always did. He knew when Nicky was hungry or thirsty, would help him take showers and get dressed in the mornings.

Nicky would happily sit wrapped in a blanket, looking at the wall all day and not move, he knew he could do it, that's all he did in the four months he was off work. So much so that he'd lost a lot of weight in that time, because he’d only eat very small bits. 

Joe saved him. Joe saved him from himself. His demons. His depression. Joe saved him. 

Nicky had only just left the room five minutes ago, under Joe’s instructions, but he couldn't wait to see his heart again.

"Morning Sweetie." Joe mumbled walking out their room, having dressed after sorting Nicky out, his beard nicely trimmed, which was what took him longer to leave their room. "Coffee!" he declared smiling.

He didn't ask if Nicky wanted one, just grabbed three mugs instead, as his lover (Joe wasn't keen on the word 'boyfriend') came and snuggled into him. He didn't ask Nicky questions, Nicky wasn't ready for them yet.

"This ones for you" Nicky whispered to Joe, always whispering, as if he'd been in trouble if he tried to talk normally, handing over a present, wrapped up neatly.

"Thank you, my love." Joe smiled gently as he opened it, acting like he wasn't the one who picked it out and wrapped it up. Nicky had sat there watching, helping by holding the paper still when asked. "I know just what I'll draw in it first." Joe winked at Nicky, grinning. 

He held his new sketchbook and pencils with such care as if they cost much, much, more than the £20 Nicky had spent on them.

He was obsessed with sketching Nicky, who had turned away, ever so slightly, his face going red, a very rare smile on his lips. So small that one wouldn't have seen it if he didn't know Nicky as Joe did.

"This is from my Mama." Joe handed Nicky a large squishy present, who just looked at it and then at Joe, very confused.

"I didn't get her anything!" he panicked, "And have said like two words to her." wrapping his arms around himself, eyes misting over.

"Don't worry about that!" Joe waved his hand "It doesnt matter! Besides, my mama is the best judge of character and she likes you." Joe put an arm around Nicky and kissed the top of his head "Open it." he whispered, slowly moving away.

Very carefully, like with his other presents, Nicky opened the paper, not ripping one bit of it. Wrapped up, was the softest white jumper he had ever seen, or well, felt. 

Running a hand over it, he picked it up as if it could break with a single touch, or would just disappear. He then let out a sob, burying his face into the soft alpaca wool, turtle neck jumper, holding it for dear life, as he cried into it and now Joe's chest.

"Shhh, shh, it's ok, baby." Joe had his arms around Nicky in an instant, holding him to his chest, rocking him to and fro. "I've got you. I’ve always got you." 

Andy and Quynh had stopped talking and were now looking over with worry. No matter how often this had happened, it never got any easier on them. It was one of the reasons Joe only just started full time, he couldn't bear leave Nicky alone.

Fortunately, Booker had agreed to stay home with Nicky on the three nights Joe had to work without Nicky by his side. Unless Nicky was having a good week, then younger man would work an extra night. 

Booker stood to go to the kitchen, without so much as glancing over. Joe knew that Booker had seen Nicky have a breakdown, even helped him through them on the nights Joe had to work. Coming back not long after with a glass of cold water which he put on the table in front of them. Booker ran his hand through Nicky’s hair, before sitting down next to him. 

"Thanks Booker." Joe said softly, not moving his gaze from Nicky.

  
"That's too much." Joe informed Andy, as she served up dinner. they wound normally sit at the dinning table, so everyone could help themselves, but with five of them, there was no room for the food and them to eat it.

"Sorry?" She looked up from putting two slices of turkey on Nicky's plate, to go with his three lots of lamb, then if Joe added the potatoes, stuffing, vegtables and pigs in blankets, the plate would be equal to what Nicky usually ate in a week.

"He won't be able to eat all that." Joe was being as patient as he could, but, Andy tried, bless her, but she just didn't get it. "It's way too much. Hell, even I can't eat that much." Yes, Joe wanted Nicky to eat more, so much more, but he had starved himself for a long time, and no one had noticed. It was taking time, but slowly Nicky’s diet was improving. They’d started with just soup and were working their way up.

Taking a deep breath, Andy nodded, before removing a slice off each dish from the plate. "Do you want to finish this off?" 

Joe smiled at her, and nodded, "Sorry, about all this." it wasn't the first time he apologised. His apology was not for Nicky’s condition and needs, he would NEVER apologise for them, but just for the whole situation.

"Don't worry about it." Andy said like she always did, Quynh would smile and hug him, and Booker would just laugh and tell him to piss off. Joe wouldn't be surprised if they all felt guilty for letting it go this far without realising something was wrong. They had believed him when Nicky kept saying he was fine, whereas Joe had seen through it after only working with him for five nights. It had taken almost eight months before Nicky trusted Joe enough to let him closer.

They both looked over to the sitting room, the floor was a mess with wrapping paper, the lights were twinkling on the tree, Quynh sat in a chair doing the crossword book that Nicky and Joe got her.

Sebastian was on the sofa, reading a new book from Quynh, Nicky sleeping in his arms, legs stretched out on the sofa, snuggled in his new jumper, a soft throw blanket over his lower legs and feet to keep him warm.

This may not be how they planned to spend their first Christmas together, but Joe couldn't be happier.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this Christmas present:) 
> 
> Have a wonderful Christmas and will see you guys in a few days with more updates on soft heart, hard hands.
> 
> Thank you to lex for beta reading this for me


End file.
